The Coming Out Story

There has always been quite a debate on why people choose to be secretive and not proud of why they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer. Most people would rather hate on it and toot their lip up at it than understand the adversity many are set with. Some people come from a strong church enriched background and are afraid of getting the bible thrown at them. Some are scared of disappointing those around them and losing friends/family all because they chose to do what their heart desires. I honestly can't blame them when in 2013 for the annual Spelman and Morehouse LGBTQ week, hate speeches and derogatory slurs were written on the sidewalk. We already can't live in peace, but now to even walk freely is an additional disturbance.

When a woman decides to no longer hide, a lot of guys are quick to make the, "Oh, let me hit you...AND your girl," statement. No, whether it be a cute attempt or more than likely a repetitive and annoying one, I prefer you not. Even if the woman in question is a bisexual one of strong principle and foundation, she would never let that go down. Please don't assume I am making a reference to threesomes, this conversation is deeper than that. Guys, our attraction to females is not for your personal entertainment or viewing pleasure, it is not for any sexual gaining desire you may have, nor will we allow you to seep in and disrespect the relationship we cherish. To most of us, this is not a game, but an even bigger adversity is set upon the stud-like female. We are confronted with the hurt feelings of our mothers as they express how they "can't watch you walk down the isle in a beautiful dress," and the, "I can't give you away to a nice gentlemen," by our fathers. Are you still wondering why one is afraid to feel like a disappointment?

Yet, even more individuals wonder why men prefer to live in secrecy. This topic just begins entirely wrong because in society's eyes, women can do a lot of things that men can't - or at least when the subject is based on sexual orientation. People tend to make their own double negative and place exceptions based on what they can tolerate and what they won't cringe at the sight of. Men are far too afraid because they feel like the world will view them as less of a man, or at least their fathers who raised them to be the exact opposite. No son wants to let down the man that taught them how to catch their first football or taught them how to pick the right woman as they watched the NBA finals. Yes, there are different shades to the gay male, but in this particular case, I am speaking in reference to the "thug" appearing, or finely-dressed in a suit, man. The one who gets up and puts on his self tied bow-tie with cuff links and goes to work with his nicely shaved beard - he is the one who's trapped in secrecy with his back turned to the exit door. 

Do you see the issue? It all comes down to how one feels they are viewed through the lens of society. Everyone tends to make excuses for it like it's "just a phase," especially parents, but my advice to you - yes you, the man or woman reading this blog as you search for some type of clarity. You know in your heart whether or not this is the life you want. There is no need to continuously run and hide from yourself, and the stress you're developing while trying to hold on to your current "perfect" world, will surely lead you to a hospital bed. Your divine happiness is the only cure. Do what makes YOU happy because at the end of the day, you are the only one living your life. If the friend you valued leaves your side, they should've never been there to begin with. Yes, it will hurt, but and as you progress through life in the pursuit of your own true happiness, those that don't support you should not be able to witness the positive growth in your life and share the ability to mask in that glory. Family may be a tricky subject, but you also may be overreacting. The love of a mother and father is far greater than any wrong they might feel you do. When your parents pass on, you don't want to wake up next to whomever he/she may be realizing that you were only living the life you thought your parent(s) would accept you for. Your heart won't let you live in misery for too long and will eventually bust itself out of the closet for you. Don't miss out on your opportunity for love because you're scared. That actually may be the worst pain.

"Approximately 3.7% of all African American identify as LGBT, with 84,000 African Americans living in same-sex couples and roughly a third of those couples raising children. Black individuals who identify as LGBT are disproportionately young and disproportionately female: 58% of the Black LGBT people are women." - Huffpost Black Voices

Only one can assume the dramatic increase of all statistical numbers if people would, or could, voluntarily stop living their lives in fear. Harsh reality or a sweet one? You want to live your life but you feel like you're trapped in a cage and they key is in the hand of societal opinions, but my friend, I want you to dig deep into your pocket. You are the one with the key, you just forgot to put the key on your key ring.