Is It Your Fault?

One of the biggest fears of coming out is when it’s to your parents. For some people it’s pleasant, for others it’s just about the equivalent of submitting your life to the grim reaper, but then again, you have the infamous grey area – when the parent says “okay” with a slight shoulder shrug and a confused look, yet loves you for who you are because you are their child...even though they can’t exactly understand your decision. The more understanding they are, they less grey it will seem, yet the more confused, the more likely they will question you and their support. Classical 50 shades.
 
You grew up wanting to play with race cars instead of Barbie dolls. Who is Ken again? You rather wear baggy jeans instead of hair bows. You get in trouble every day in elementary school for coming home with one…or a few, less bows. You rather be the star wide receiver in a “boy” dominated sport instead of cheer lead. “I’ma be the first girl in the NFL.” Yet, while these were once simple choices for you, your parent(s) begin to relapse on the decisions that are normally considered “opposite” and begin to question themselves. Is it my fault? Should I have pushed them more? Or did I push them too much? Is it my fault for letting my child just live and later on feel that it was normal? Where did I go wrong?
 
Dear Mom &/ Dad,
 
No, it’s not your fault. You actually didn’t play a part in my decision…my heart and feelings did. I went through my own emotional turmoil and thought I wasn’t normal, despite the normality of the toy cars and power rangers that I chose to play with instead of wanting the Barbie dream house and learning how to do hair. I wasn’t like everyone else. People began to identify me before I could identify myself. I was deemed the gay kid in elementary school and got picked on just for not telling my best friend a boy in my class liked her. Now the world’s much more advanced. I’m much older and definitely solidified in my orientation. Please don’t fear for me because if the hatred/views of someone else is the cause of my life, then rest assured that I went down fighting for something I believe in wholeheartedly – me. Sleep easier knowing that you were a good parent and nothing you could’ve done in exchange could change why my eyes draw to feminine curves instead of a masculine physique. This is me. Claiming it to be your fault is claiming a negative act, and nothing about how happy I feel within myself is any form of wrongdoing. Trust that you raised a self-confident and strong-willed individual.
 
Your Child. Forever. 
 
P.S. Where did you go wrong? You didn’t.