How we treat our significant others is often based on how we were raised, what we saw along the way, and the morals we were brought up under, but in some relationships, a percentage of that treatment is based on the feeling or idea of what will occur once we speak the truth about who we are and what we like to our families. Being kept a secret with no remorse whatsoever and having a known/public relationship are on two completely different sides of the spectrum, but the “I’m protecting you from my family” gray area in between is what most people don’t understand. This is the area that some relationships don’t make it through. It appears one-sided and, at times, self-centered.
You are in a bit of a tug-of-war dilemma – do you disappoint your parents or be authentic to yourself and true to the love that you’ve found? You must be one of the most overlooked in this situation as you try your hardest to keep everyone around you happy while you constantly worry about the reality of the results that choosing either side, or the arguments created from choosing neither side, could bring about.
You believe that if you bring your significant other around enough, your family will eventually get the picture instead of having to formally introduce them. At least you brought them around, right? You don’t post pictures on social media because your family follows you and you “just want to be respectful,” but at what costs? Social media vulgarity and PDA is what’s disrespectful, but showing the world who’s responsible for a big portion of your happiness should be held back for no one.
Your family’s idea of a same sex relationship could be sunshine over the horizon or a disastrous trip from hell, but you decide to continue to stay hung up on the unknown. Yet, don’t be pressured. Make that decision to come out to your family when you’re ready, but also be mindful of who you have caught up in the mix. Don’t give your significant other false hopes, as that is far more detrimental than being straightforward. When someone truly loves you, they love everything about what you’re born into and they are willing to accept all of it, specifically because it produced you. So, don’t protect what doesn’t need protecting. Give them the ability to make the decision to stand by your side until you’re ready and remain there during what could be sunshine or thunderstorm.
If you’re anything like me, you love hard…extremely hard. You put everything and everyone before yourself and all you want in return is to simply be loved, publicly. Yet, allow me to tell you one thing – you got to be the most selfish person on the planet in this type of situation. Yes, I understand that the longer you wait it shoots down your confidence and can make you weary of the standings of your relationship and your worth in it – I’ve been there, and no, I’m not taking sides; but allow me to advise you to not apply pressure in what should be a pressure-less situation because I’ve been there, too. You say you truly love this person, but love is patient. You may even say you’re in love, well, love is also understanding. Be their escape, not another form of captivity. That will do nothing to your advantage as it will only push them further away.
Living this lifestyle is a bit of a gamble as you can never know where a person is in their come-out journey with their family and friends when you meet them. Quite frankly, they may have never even known they would ever be attracted to the persona of an individual of the same sex beyond a few sexual escapades before they met you. Allow them to take the time to understand themselves and fight their own potential personal demons before you pressure them to make you known in an unclear situation. What matters is that you’re known to them. Don’t be a fool and wait for years, but take a shot at being a support system and in a short period of time, watch what it does for your relationship.