They say a closed mouth doesn’t get fed, but they didn’t know the role they had in your life must be a secret. She was your girlfriend and he was your boyfriend, but only 2 individuals knew – only you and them. They hide in the corner of every greeting by being deemed your best friend, or better yet, your “cousin.” They don’t want to be, but they put their reluctant emotions aside for you. They are loyal to you, but you are loyal to them, or are you more loyal to yourself?
You are more loyal to the thought of what others might think of you, or say, while you play puppet master with the heart strings of your partner. I’m sure you want to be with them and you had every good intention entering the relationship, but what are you willing to risk for the love that you are longing for? To think about it using an alternate perspective – how many times have you pushed back the “I will tell my family when this happens” deadline? You allow your partner to get their hopes up repeatedly for an idea that becomes a part of a fixed imagination. It could be your joint reality, but they would rather be a secret or pretend to be your cousin just to have a piece of you, because they know otherwise, they couldn’t. If you take the chance to analyze that point and it hits home, I want you to ask yourself, “Am I selfish?” If you can honestly say no and you are living this situation, then you are allowing the world to make selfish decisions for you that are hindering yourself from both your individual growth and realizing who you are. Interchangeably, if you don’t know who you are, then nobody else can get to know you.
Do you see the harm that you are doing? If a person wants to love you, they want to love every bit of you and that should not be constrained to behind closed doors. A love that the both of you are worth. You are sidelining a kind of love that has a desire to connect to everything that you love. A kind of love that wants to know the individuals responsible for making you the person that you are while being acknowledged for having an essential role in your life. Yet, what you fail to realize is that they aren’t seeking acknowledgment from everyone. So you blindly continue to push them off with arguments about not being ready and feeling pressured when all they are looking for is a type of acknowledgement that only you can provide. They want to know that you are proud to be in that moment experiencing life and love with them and you aren’t ashamed of it. They are looking to you for a form of self-gratification to prove that they are worthy of the opportunity to have you, but you cannot even gratify yourself. You’ve subconsciously made you and your partner the MVPs of the quiet game while 9 times out of 10, who you’re hiding from…already know.