"Wet Paint"

When you first experience feelings for the same sex you tend to pay it no regard, but the more those feelings resurface you're left with the decision of whether you should oppress those feelings to fit into some kind of regular status quo or to embrace the meaning behind them and defy everything it goes against.

Way before you decide to act on those same-sex attraction feelings, you're confronted with a period of self-realization. Now, the duration of this period totally depends on the person, however, what is true in EVERY case is the overwhelming amount of wishy-washy emotions you are confronted with. One moment you're questioning every bit of the "same-sex is the definition of abnormality" lessons and ideals that the world, and maybe even your family, taught you, and the next you're loving yourself undeniably for who you are. You have your moments where you begin to think something is wrong with you because you've been wired to believe that being gay is some sort of a defect and you have other moments where you're the happiest you've ever been.

When you're in the process of still trying to figure things out with yourself it's a pretty sensitive subject and touchy time. This is much of a "Caution: Wet paint. Let dry" hazardous period. The time frame in which paint is wet is vital. If you touch it, you mess up the appearance of the final product which causes the job to take a much longer time, but when dry, the paint job is solidified. But what happens all too often is when the job is critiqued and criticized by its onlookers before the work is finished and the paint has set. In other words, when you're labeled by society well before you've accepted yourself and are ready to tell the world.

To my brothers and sisters currently living within this dilemma, I understand your position. You're torn between trying to figure out who you are and wondering if you can ignore your true feelings long enough to the point where they go away. Yet, once you're ready to tell others you are already aware that you're going to be talked about and made fun of for the countless months/years that you denied your sexuality or even the countless arguments and hostile situations you ended up in because of it. What the "jokesters" don't realize is that you aren't yet at a point where you are secure with your sexuality. They don't understand that you want to be okay with being your real self and live in your truth without someone's opinion of you playing a factor. Funny how people want you to do or act according to the time frame and judgments they've placed on your life, but my advice to you – do it on your own terms. It is essential that you get to a point where it doesn't matter what others think of you or how they feel about what you do with your life – fall in love with yourself. This is a decision that changes people's lives. People are shunned from their families, religions, and cultures over just wanting to be truly happy with themselves by making a simple lifestyle choice. So it is okay and very crucial to take as much time as you need to become mentally and emotionally sound with your decision. Once you come out, there will be people that will be there and there may be some that won't, but know deep down that you still love yourself, God definitely still loves you, and you can live a blessed and prosperous life after you've made the decision to love yourself more than you do other's opinions.