"I'm Pregnant ... & I'm A Stud" A Blog Attacking Misguided Gender Norms

Over the past year or so, studs have been under attack for deciding to bear children. Distasteful judgment and ignorant phrases, such as “they sneakin’ dick” and “down-low stud,” have been applied to the situation. This topic can be approached from many different angles, but at the very least, what should be addressed is 1) the lack of clarity when it comes down to the definition of what a stud is, 2) how personal bias and ignorance has led to a misguided stereotype, and 3) how the backlash makes them feel. 

Stud is an LGBTQ+ term used to describe a lesbian who assumes the more masculine role as she prefers to wear male clothing. A lesbian is a homosexual woman. The term “woman” is a synonym for the word female and the term “female” denotes a sex that can produce eggs and bear offspring. Therefore, although a stud is a lesbian that assumes a more masculine appearance, that does not make her any less capable of engaging in womanly behaviors. 

What do you say to the feminine woman who is in a lesbian relationship with a stud and was just told by her doctor that she can’t have kids? Do you expect her dream of being a mother to go down the drain or do you expect the woman she’s with to be selfless enough to compromise her body for 9 months to begin the family they’ve been talking about for months - or even years - with the woman she loves? Regardless, it seems that people have misplaced their unwarranted prejudices by associating outside appearance with gender roles. 

Vloggers Domo and Crissy, a lesbian couple who rose to fame by posting daily vlogs to YouTube, caught major heat - even from some of their “fans” - when they released a video announcing that they were pregnant. The backlash occurred when people felt “the wrong one got pregnant” as the video revealed that Domo, who dresses as a male, was carrying their child instead of Crissy. She took to her Instagram to send a clear message to her opposers while promising to protect her son in such a hateful world:  

“I am a woman. I am a woman who has always wanted a child. I am a woman who likes

to dress how she pleases and doesn’t give two sh**s about your stereotypes.

Who cares if I like to wear snapbacks and joggers? Who cares

that I’m not the “normal” look of a pregnant woman.

I am Domonic’s mom and I am proud!

-Domonique Wilson (Domo)

Ebony and Denise, who are famous for their Team2Moms (formally Olivia Has 2 Moms - OH2M) YouTube channel can also bring a breath of fresh air into the conversation. Ebony, the more feminine partner of the married couple, gave birth to their firstborn, Olivia; and after taking some time to overcome her own mindset when it came to being pregnant while being the masculine one in the relationship and watching Ebony give birth to Olivia, Denise decided it was her turn to carry because she wanted to experience the same thing. A few months later, Ebony posted a video to YouTube explaining that she actually felt good about being on the other side of the equation, and although she’s not carrying this time, she still feels just as connected to them (oh yeah, Denise just gave birth to twins!). 

However, to be honest, I don’t believe that by only telling you these couples’ experiences that I am making much progress in clearing up the fogginess of your negative perceptions, so I dug a little deeper into the community to provide you with a more personal point of view. I had the pleasure of speaking with Olivia Santana Cota (IG: @shaej_vs_mommy), a mother of a beautiful 4-year-old little girl, and was able to ask her a few questions regarding her journey into becoming a mother. 

Q: What made you decide to have a child?

A: My whole life, I felt alone. I am adopted with no blood family. I always wanted a child because I wanted someone to love me, to need me ... to be blood to me. This may sound funny, but I was so crazy over Aaliyah (the singer) and when she died I went into depression mode because I felt like everything and everyone I had ever loved was taken away from me. So when I was 12, I made up in my head that I was going to have a baby and name her Aaliyah and love her forever (laughs). Honestly, I believe that God got tired of me begging for someone to love. 

Q: What is your opinion on how people choose to label the "pregnant stud?"

A: When my picture first went viral, it bothered me. I was hurt and questioning, "What did I do wrong?" Like all of this was because I wanted to love someone and raise them. Now, I could care less. My child has never once said "eww" or asked me if I'm a man. I am "Mommy" and she loves me unconditionally. That's all that matters. 

Q: How did you go about getting pregnant? (Method)

A: I tried for 8 years to get pregnant and I tried every method. I tried to have sex with a man through an agreement, but I just couldn't to do it - yuck (laughs). The final time, which worked, I used a natural baster method. 

Q: What is some of the positive feedback that you've received since becoming a mother? 

A: I've received so much positive feedback from random people saying they love how I raise my daughter and that I didn't care about the so called "stud rules." It makes me feel good to know people support me and other pregnant studs who are moms. 

Q: What is some of the negative backlash you've received since having your daughter? How does it make you feel?

A: Honestly, I haven't seen any since I gave birth to her, but if anyone is saying negative things, forget them because they are not raising her. If someone has anything to say about a woman first and a stud second having and raising a child then maybe they should reevaluate their lives and not worry about mine. It also seems to be more of a thing now for studs to have kids. I know, personally, that I've helped 3 people put their insecurities behind them who are now raising their own children.

Q: If you had to give advice to a stud who wanted to have a child but is concerned about how others may view her, what would it be?

A: They should live their lives no matter what anyone else does or feels. If they are worried about what others will think, then they really shouldn't have a child. If loving and bringing someone into this world is an issue for them, then they should wait until they feel more secure about it and realize that their child will never judge nor hate them. They will simply call your name 1000 times a day and ask for kisses once in a blue moon. They will be way more concerned about Dora and YouTube kids (laughs). You have to live your own life and do what you feel, not what others feel. 

                                    A picture of Olivia & her daughter, Aaliyah. 

                                    A picture of Olivia & her daughter, Aaliyah. 

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What is apparent in today’s culture is that society wants stud women to completely assume the male role by ignoring the fact that they can willingly bear children - as if they shouldn’t consider having children at all because they have decided to pursue a lesbian relationship. Yet, society also complains when studs appear or act too much like a man. People, you got to pick a side: #NoFrauds.