A Seat at the Table ... Plus One

When you think of the average relationship, you think of two people completely emerged into each other in a monogamous fashion. However, what if another person was added to the equation? Not in a “my girl got a girlfriend”/Teyana Taylor type of way, but a “she’s my girlfriend, too” polyamorous type of way? 

Well, allow me to introduce you to T.Que, Charisse, & Zhané- 3 electrifying women known as “#WifeGoals” from 3 totally different worlds that are immensely in love with each other – but don’t get it twisted, it didn’t just automatically happen that way. T.Que, a firefighter from Alabama, and Charisse, a hairstylist from Boston, have known each other since April 2012, and actually got married back in April 2015, but they didn’t officially meet Zhané, a model from Georgia, all in one setting until Spring 2017. A couple months later in July 2017, they slid into Zhané’s DMs on Facebook with a proposition to meet up just for drinks which resulted in them driving four hours from Boston to New York and Zhané jokingly claiming it a date as they walked through Central Park with their final destination being the Alice in Wonderland statue. After a couple more months of on and off again moments with increased instances of flirting in between and a plethora of “strong pull up games”, they decided to make it official in November 2017. 

From Left to Right: Zhané, T.Que, & Charisse.

To be polyamorous is to agree to be involved emotionally and physically with multiple people at the same time with the consent of all parties involved, and although T.Que, Charisse, & Zhané can officially claim themselves as polyamorous, this is each of their first attempt at a relationship of its kind and to be honest, they didn’t even see it coming. However, what they all agree on is how important communication is to their existence as a couple – or shall I say, throuple (yes, it’s a thing!). Realistically speaking, although they are in a relationship with each other as a whole, they are in relationships with each other individually, so communication has been their driving force through instances of imbalance whether it be with affection, attention, or both plus some. They go on separate dates, have separate quality time, and take the time to invest both individually and collectively while negating away from the societal mindset of not being able to share – a sentiment they’ve heard so much of as they have shared their story.

 

“Love is endless and love is boundless. Love is a selfless act and the “I can’t share” statement is based on a selfish concept. Ownership is for objects and, quite frankly, it all boils down to you as a person - are you selfless or selfish?” - #WifeGoals

 

Let’s be frank, the holiday season is always the nosiest time of the year when it comes to your love life - especially Thanksgiving. Your aunt(s) and grandmother(s) have been waiting a year to see who you show up with because, in their eyes, you’ve look so pitiful the past few years at the dinner table alone. So the minute you call up grandma to let her know you won’t be coming alone, it becomes the most exciting news that circulates amongst the entire family. They set up an additional seat at the table, making sure the china/charger plates are positioned perfectly & the glassware used are the ones that were collecting dust in the back of the cabinet that they were saving for a special occasion while making sure the silverware has been cleaned at least twice. Yet, what they didn’t know is that they are still one seat short. Luckily for T.Que, Charisse & Zhané, their families are all aware of their relationship and although it was still a readjustment pill for their families to swallow, they still respected their decisions as adults and loved them no less. All families met for the first time on November 13th as the Atlanta-based throuple celebrated T.Que’s graduation from firefighter academy and it ended in a weight being lifted off of everyone’s shoulders as it turned out to be a non-forced setting of love and acceptance.

“The hardest thing for me was not wanting to be viewed as the home-wrecker as I was the “new girl” in an already established marriage.” - Zhané

There are different dynamics to being polyamorous, and for #WifeGoals, they agree that it is up to the individual person for them to decide to what extent – i.e. one person dating multiple people or multiple people dating each other. However, what is inevitable is that it will undeniably challenge your idea of love as, similar to all monogamous relationships, it is grounded on the principles of respect and equal treatment of your significant other – no matter what challenges you face. They admit that jealousy only arises because they are still growing as individuals, but as a throuple that is truly growing into its most authentic form, they face their challenges together and rely on their joint reality that they chose each other, so the respect, honesty, loyalty, and communication effortlessly follows suit.

 

“When getting into a polyamorous relationship, you have to understand that everybody is different. You need to learn how to love the individuals how they deserve and desire to be loved and not how you see fit for them.” - Charisse

 

In society, the odds are already stacked against them by being both black AND homosexuals, but as a polyamorous couple, they have to fight a little bit harder - not only being combative against societal views but within our own LGBTQ+ community as being poly appears to make you a walking fashion statement. Yet, what cannot be denied is the masculine world we live in that thrives on their fantasies of women romantically being together yet is disgusted by that same thought when it includes men. Being in a polyamorous relationship does not give society an open access card to their bedroom as not only do those questions invade their privacy and show an onset of ignorance in a world that favors threesomes, but it takes away from the relationship they’ve worked to build. For #WifeGoals, their relationship was never established on sex or physical attraction, but the energy they felt after their worlds finally collided after 6 years of unknowingly crossing paths.

Love isn’t meant to be normal, but it is meant to be selfless, understanding, and stand the test of time despite all adversity as it is kind to others and welcoming to all. When asked about any advice that they may have regarding individuals who are battling with their polyamorous identities, #WifeGoals stated that although cliché, the most genuine advice is to be 100% comfortable with yourself as you’re the only one that matters. However, most importantly, before you make that move to be in a polyamorous relationship, you have to understand the truth of the world and that although the world will not always be for you and people will often fight against you, there will be people that will love you unconditionally and support you. Just simply, find your people. 

“Live your life, be you, and do what makes you happy.” – T.Que

If you ever have a chance to be around this beautiful throuple, you will know that they are exactly what they aspire everyone to be – authentically themselves and happy. In a world that may not agree with their dream of having kids and getting married, I, for one, appreciate them for being themselves unapologetically and continuing to be a genuine example of unwavering love and self-truth while extending my sincerest well wishes to them in hopes that they have nothing but endless blessings and love for the remainder of their lives together.

To keep up with #WifeGoals and follow them on their journey as they spread awareness and love, take a moment to follow them on Instagram (@_wifegoals) and subscribe to their YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwggOKqMRlBv6XU0n_gkzRg). I promise you won’t regret it, but in the meantime, scroll down to watch Part 1 & 2 of their introduction videos where they answer questions from their viewers about polyamory, their relationship, and how it came to form.

#WifeGoals Introduction Video Pt. 1

#WifeGoals Introduction Video Pt. 2